What's that to You-Comparison and Jealousy copy

What Is That to You?

Comparison and Jealousy

Survey on Body Image by FHE Health, a South Florida recovery facility

What factors impact how we feel about our bodies? (Top 2 answers)

TV / Movies

Do you compare your body to images you see in the media?

88% of women said yes

Does your body compare favorably or unfavorably to images in the media?

51% unfavorably

Survey also showed that women become less confident about their bodies over time

Comparison often times leads to jealousy

What does the Bible say about jealousy?

“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like theseI warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19-21)

3 Biblical Examples of Comparison / Jealousy

Cain (Genesis 4:2-8)

Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, and Cain a worker of the ground. In the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, but for cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The Lord said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.’ Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him.

This phrase, “desire is contrary” is a generational sin.

When Eve ate the fruit and sinned for the first time, this was part of her curse (Genesis 3:16).

“Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

Then we see the same thing with Cain right before he kills Abel:

“And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it” (Genesis 4:7)

Definitions

Desire - t’shookah (Strong’s H8669)

Longing of woman for man

Longing of man for woman

Longing of beast to devour

Contrary - el (Strong’s H413)

Denotes motion to or direction towards

Physical or mental

Motion is of a hostile character

Against (“Cain rose up against his brother and killed him”)

So we see that comparison and jealousy can lead to us being contrary or against the people we’re called to live with. A wrong desire comes over us, and if we don’t rule over it, it will rule over us, and we will destroy the relationships around us.

Consequences of comparison and jealousy

Loss of relationship

Loss of the kingdom of God

Rachel and Leah (Genesis 29:30-35; 30:1-24)

So Jacob…loved Rachel more than Leah, and served Laban for another seven years. 31 When the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren (Genesis 29:30,31).

Oftentimes we idolize the people we compare ourselves to. We think they have perfect lives and if we can just be like them or have what they have, our lives will be perfect, too.

Maybe you’re thinking one of the following things about someone else

If only I could have the job she has

If only my marriage could be as strong as hers

If only my kids were as well-behaved as hers

If only people liked me as much as they like her

But you don’t know that she cries herself to sleep at night telling God she would trade her whole life in just have a close friend, or just to have something that maybe you already have

Perspective is crucial when it comes to comparison. You don’t always see the full picture, so don’t spend your time envying something someone else has thinking it will satisfy you when you get it

It’s dangerous to think that other people’s lives are perfect…or to think if we could have ______ I would be satisfied. Only God can satisfy. The person you’re comparing yourself to is also in need of God, and nothing he or she has will satisfy you.

Rachel and Leah had very difficult lives. The scripture plainly tells us that Jacob loved Rachel more. There was nothing Leah could do about that. Ouch. Sisterwives is bad enough!

Leah was dealt a poor hand

Father gave her to Jacob - nothing she could do about that

Culture said oldest had to get married first - nothing she could do about that

Rachel was also dealt a poor hand

She was barren - nothing she could do about that

Culture said a woman’s worth was found in the children she had

Let’s look at their comparison and jealousy

“And Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben, for she said, ‘Because the Lord has looked upon my affliction; for now my husband will love me.’ She conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘Because the Lord has heard that I am hated, he has given me this son also.’ And she called his name Simeon. Again she conceived and bore a son, and said, ‘Now this time my husband will be attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.’ Therefore his name was called Levi. And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘This time I will praise the Lord.’ Therefore she called his name Judah. Then she ceased bearing.”

The sons’ names tell us about Leah’s heart and attitude. She so craves Jacob’s love and attention that she transposes that onto her sons in the names she gives them:

Reuben - now my husband will love me

Simeon - God heard that I am hated

Levi - now my husband will be attached to me

Judah - now I will praise the Lord

Judah should have been first. Our first response should always be praise.

For the rest of her sons’ lives, the names people call them are a reflection of her jealousy

Whether we have what we think we need or not, we should praise.

Whether we think our friend is prettier than us or not, we should praise.

Whether we feel like we are dealt a poor hand in life or not, we should praise.

So the friendship between sisters has been shattered now. Leah vies for Jacob’s love and Rachel cannot bear children. Rachel gets desperate.

Comparison: Rachel couldn’t do what Leah did, so instead of going to God, she tried to become what she wasn’t: She gave her maid servant, Bilhah, to Jacob to try to become like Leah rather than crying out to God and waiting for Him to open her womb.

“When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister. She said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I shall die!” 2 Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel, and he said, “Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?” 3 Then she said, “Here is my servant Bilhah; go in to her, so that she may give birth on my behalf, that even I may have children through her.” (Genesis 30:1-3, emphasis mine)

Generational Sin

Sarah gave her maid servant, Hagar, to Abraham to conceive a child (Genesis 16) 2 generations later

Rachel and Leah give their maid servants to Jacob to conceive children when they can’t

Correct Response

Instead of comparing themselves to those around them and trying to be like others, Sarah, Rachel, and Leah should have gone to God in prayer, asking Him for children.

Contrast Isaac’s response to Rebekah’s barrenness and Jacob’s response to Rachel’s barrenness:

And Isaac prayed to the Lord for his wife, because she was barren. And the Lord granted his prayer, and Rebekah his wife conceived (Genesis 25:21)

Rebekah was barren for 20 years (Genesis 25:20,26).

*** It’s as simple as going to God in prayer

As you’re listening to this teaching and thinking about the ways you compare yourself, pray to God

God, I don’t have the things I think I need. If I need these things, please give them to me. If I don’t need them, take away the desire for them. Show me what I need.

Instead, we’re like Rachel: we go to people thinking they can give us what only God can

Rachel’s comparison led to sin when it could have led to life. Had she taken her comparison to God, she could have been free from the sin of trying to be like her sister and taking control of her life and that of her legacy.

Comparison leads to Usurpation

“I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes” (Genesis 30:16).

Read Genesis 30:14-16

What is a mandrake?

-a Mediterranean plant of the nightshade family, with white or purple flowers and large yellow berries, large roots that may extend 3-4 feet in the ground

“The mandrake was associated with the superstitious belief that it promoted fertility and conception in barren women. The mandrake root was consumed in very small amounts, cut into an amulet to wear on the body, or put beneath the bed” (Carolyn Roth’s blog: “God as Gardener”).

Comparison makes us go to extreme measures to be loved. Leah believed she HAD to have the mandrakes in order to bear Jacob more children in order to be loved.

We compare ourselves to others; we believe we’re found lacking, so we try to make up for what we lack so we can be loved.

We can all relate in some way

Maybe a boyfriend told you that you weren’t as good as the last woman he was with

Maybe a parent told you they loved your siblings more

Maybe a friend made you feel like you were never good enough

We all have hurts and wounds, but don’t trade what is dear to you just to feel accepted. Bring your hurts to God and let Him heal you and love you

Leah “hired” him to love her. She and Rachel usurped Jacob’s authority. They traded their love and respect for him for a superstition. They took control of the house (deciding who he would be with) rather than letting God control their future and legacy.

Peter (John 21:18-22)

One evening I was sitting in church comparing myself to others, wanting God to take note of the fact that I was there and other women weren’t. I was making a mental checklist of how busy I was, and how tired I was, yet I was still at the meeting and they weren’t. If only love kept a record, but it doesn’t.

Right in the middle of the meeting, I heard the Holy Spirit say “What is that to you?” Ouch!

I was immediately reminded of the passage I had recently read in John 21 where Peter is doing the same thing: comparing himself to someone else.

“Lord, what about this man?”

“What about him?”

“Aren’t you going to do the exact same thing for both of us?”

This was Jesus’ response to Peter when he was asking how John was going to die. Peter wasn’t concerned with his relationship with Jesus; in that moment he was concerned with John’s life being as hard as his own. Will John have to suffer the same things? Will life be easier for him?

“Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” 19 (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.”

20 Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who also had leaned back against him during the supper and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” 21 When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” 22 Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” (John 21:18-22, emphasis mine)

Peter turned his eyes away from Jesus and onto comparison.

• Instead of receiving Jesus’s plan for him, he wanted to know Jesus’ plan for John.

Let’s look at the 2 Questions that were asked:

“Lord what about this man?”

Sometimes we ask the same question: “God, I know you just told me Your plan for my life, but what about her life?”

Peter was anxious to know what Jesus had for John:

• Was John going to have an easy life?

• Does Jesus love John more?

• Surely he does if he is not prophesying John’s death

We begin to compare our lives (and walk with Christ) with others:

• Why is my life harder? Is their life going to be hard, too?

• Why are You asking this of me and not of them?

• Why do I have to sacrifice more than they do?

Like Peter, we turn our eyes away from Jesus and onto others which gives us the wrong perspective. We don’t understand God’s ways, but He does not show partiality (Acts 10:34, Romans 2:11). We have to trust God’s plan whether it seems fair or not.

“What is that to you? You follow me!”

Peter’s questioning started a rumor that John would never die (21:23). It was so bad that John felt the need to address it in his gospel. Comparison and jealousy lead to unintended consequences

Jesus reminds Peter to keep his eyes on Jesus. Peter, don’t worry about what I’m going to do for John. Just keep following me

We have to let go of comparison. We will miss what God wants to do in our lives when we’re constantly looking around at other people and comparing our lives to them. The instructions from God are clear, “You follow me!” Let’s allow God to help us take our eyes off of our neighbors and onto him.

Read Psalm 139 in the Message

Encouraging Bible Verses

Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Isaiah 43:1 “But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”

Psalm 139:13-18 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.”

Isaiah 64:8 “Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.”

Psalm 46:5 “God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.”

Psalm 28:7 “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.”

Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Luke 1:45 “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”

Proverbs 31:30,31 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”

Proverbs 3:15-18 “She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed.”

Song of Songs 4:7 “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”

2 Timothy 1:7 “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

Ephesians 2:19-22 “Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.”

Joshua 1:5 “No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

1 Chronicles 16:11 “Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.”